Pleasures vs. Gratifications

In Friday's class, we discussed the difference between pleasures and gratifications. Pleasures are momentary and they require hardly any thinking. On the other hand, gratifications involve commitment but they bring fundamental happiness. At first, I could not see how this connected to what we were doing before but the point seems to be this; successful negotiations count as gratifications. Negotiating is a way of solving problems so it is gratifying to find the best solutions, and in the sense that you get your preferences, it is directly linked to obtaining happiness in life.

I do believe that gratifications bring lasting happiness but there is one thing I cannot agree with concerning the contents of the class and that is the positioning of 'laughter'. It was categorised into 'pleasures' but I do not think this is an accurate observation because laughter is essential for the well-being of individuals. There is a story about a guy who had a terminal illness and was told that his days were numbered. He decided to spend the time he had left watching funny movies and so he was laughing a lot when the doctors did a check-up. It turns out the illness had somehow cured itself and he was no longer suffering from it. You could argue that this was just a special case and that it was nothing more than pure luck. Well yes, just because you laugh a lot does not mean that all illnesses can be cured. However, laughter is a way of releasing stress and we all know that too much stress is bad for your health. The man was, I admit, very lucky but it is likely that laughter may have played an important role in saving his life. If you look at it this way, it seems inappropriate to just dismiss laughter as a form of pleasure.

I find that I laugh quite a lot which is probably a good thing and it makes me happy, but I also realise that there are not many gratifications in my life at the moment. Life is full of pleasures, everything seems temporary and there is no real goal which makes it hard for me to concentrate on anything. I believe the biggest difference between pleasures and gratifications is the amount of effort that you put in to it, so I hope I will be able to find something worth pursuing and experience a sense of achievement that would truly fill my life with happiness.

Leading at The Edge: Chapters 2 and 3

I find 'Leading at The Edge' an inspiring book and this week's chapters made some of the most convincing points about leadership. Chapter two highlighted the importance of symbolising actions and bringing in personal experience as a means of gaining trust. It is through visible leadership that people are able to rely on their leaders and follow them from the heart. Chapter three focused on the aspect of optimism explaining how the mind can affect the quality of leadership. Although we tend to think that skill, ability and knowledge make up the best leaders, the most decisive factor lies in the positivity of mind.

Reading these two chapters made me think about the role of a leader. My image was that a leader needs to be someone who is standing at the top with authority and power, someone who is different or special compared to the rest of the people. However, this is not necessarily true and although a leader should have the power to gain cooperation, he or she is still a part of the group. The leader-follower relationship is not like that of a master and servant. That is why I think it is so important for a leader to symbolise whatever he or she is trying to convey. The act of symbolising shows that they are on the same level as the rest of the group and it creates a better relationship. The role of a leader is valid only if there is a group of people seeking to achieve the same goal. If it were all individuals acting on their own, leaders will not be necessary. I think it is clear that the biggest difference between working alone and working in a group is the need to communicate with others. Ultimately, the most important thing a leader can do is to build a healthy relationship which will encourage active communication making it one step closer to the main goal.

I have mentioned the significance of building a good relationship within a group and this also connects to the third chapter about optimism. Being optimistic can give you the energy and motivation to accomplish whatever it is that you are trying to do, even in the toughest of situations as proven by Shackleton. It is also contagious! So if the leader is optimistic, the others will also become optimistic. If everyone in the group believed in the team, naturally the relationship is going to be good. On the contrary, if the leader was pessimistic and the others became pessimistic, the whole group would fall apart because the relationship or the team spirit would be damaged by despair. It is crucial for leaders to be optimistic so that the group can become one.

In relation to the strategies covered in chapters two and three, I can say that I consider myself an optimist even though there are times when I do end up feeling depressed. However, I try to look on the bright side and make each obstacle an opportunity for improvement. With symbolism, I want to believe that if I ever do become a leader, I can set a good example for the rest of the team. Knowing my personality, I think it would be difficult for me to become a visual leader because I do not like getting a lot of attention, but I will try to overcome this weakness.

Negotiation Skills

We moved on from interpersonal communication to a new topic which is negotiation skills. I used to think that negotiating meant different parties compromising in order to reach an agreement. However, the role-play negotiations we did in class made me realise that what we are actually trying to achieve is a win-win situation where all the parties get exactly what they want without having to compromise. Although this is not always easy, as it was mentioned in 'Leading at The Edge', we should never lose sight of the overall aim. In this case, finding a solution that fits everyone's needs.

In the first role-play involving two oranges, I was under the illusion that the perfect answer lay in dividing the oranges equally, meaning one for each person. However, that would have been a partial win-win where the deal is acceptable but not exactly what the two of us had both hoped for. It came as a surprise when someone (I think it was Kristi) mentioned the idea about separating the peels and the juice. The role-play said there were two oranges and two people which made me completely blind to the fact that these two people had different reasons for wanting the oranges. I was unable to consider this orange problem from a different perspective. The lesson here is that in order to find the best solution you always have to consider the needs of who you are trying to negotiate with. This became the key to solving the next role-play problem, the selling and buying of snake eggs. One organisation wanted the egg yolk and the other wanted the egg white so the answer was clear, but it took some time until we all understood what each of us wanted.

When we negotiate in real life circumstances, the chances are that solutions do not appear as clearly as they do in role-plays. Do win-win situations actually exist? I think sometimes they do but in many cases compromises have to be made. What we must not forget is even though compromising is important, the main goal is for everyone to get their wish. So what do we do? We start off by gathering as much information as possible about the others' needs. The way to succeed in a negotiation is through knowing exactly what everybody wants. Like with the oranges and the eggs, there may be a perfect solution if the people involved know enough to determine the little details that count and make a difference.

Leading at The Edge: Preface and Chapter 1

The story of Shackleton's Antarctic expedition is incredible and although the main focus of this book is on his leadership skills, I could not help but enjoy the narrative aspects of the book as well. It seems extraordinary that Shackleton and his crew managed to survive in such difficult conditions. I find it hard to imagine just how terrible the situation was, but there is no denying that it was a matter of life and death and that these explorers were literally standing at 'The Edge.' It really is miraculous that no one died on this expedition (apart from the dogs), but it was more than just luck that they were able to survive and without Shackleton and his leadership, who knows what might have happened to them?

Chapter one talks about the first strategy of leadership and that is the ability to know the over-all goal whilst achieving short-term aims. Shackleton is a great example, and what I thought was inspiring was the fact that he quickly managed to refocus his main goal from crossing the Antarctica to going back home. After the ship was destroyed by the ice, he did not panic but simply said, "So now we'll go home." There is something reassuring about his words that could have helped the other members to stay calm. Also, this was a time when people raced to the pole, and being the first to cross the Antarctica would have meant a great deal to Shackleton. However, he was quick in making the decision to change his plans and return home. After setting the new goal, he focused on what they could do right there and then. Now their task was to reach open water, but dragging the lifeboats seemed impossible so Shackleton decided that it was better for them to camp. This flexibility of mind as well as the constant focus on both the long-term and short-term goals made Shackleton a successful leader at 'The Edge.'

Although in the case of Shackleton 'The Edge' was a little extreme, the same leadership qualities are just as important in normal life circumstances. Whether it is at work or in school, there needs to be a leader in order for that organisation or group to cooperate and achieve a common goal. Shackleton showed great leadership in a life-threatening situation and even though our lives may not be as perilous, the core strategies of leadership stay the same. We need to be aware of the ultimate goal and focus on the short-term aims through the process, but we must also remember that leaders need to be adaptable to change.

Interpersonal Communication

First, I just want to say it is great being a part of this LILTDY class! I am already enjoying it and I cannot wait to see where it is going to take me from here.

In the first lesson we talked about first impressions and focused mainly on handshakes. What makes a good handshake? Brief, warm, firm! I thought this was an interesting way to introduce interpersonal communication. A simple thing like a handshake can mean a lot in terms of communicating with someone whether it is for the first time or not. I do not come from a 'handshake culture' so I have no personal experience related to handshakes but it is understandable that depending on the sort of handshake you get, the impression of the person can change.

Being in many different cultures, I have seen and learnt different ways of greeting people and I think this also counts as a form of interpersonal communication. When I first moved to England, I was not familiar with the 'hugging' so I may have seemed a little cold in that I was not responding to their greetings properly. My friend pointed out that my hugs were too weak and I felt bad even though she was only joking! I think cultural differences cause communication difficulties because interpersonal communication relies largely on nonverbal language, and they vary across cultures.

The article on social intelligence seems to prove that there is a connection between social behaviour and communication. It is interesting that there is a scientific reason for this and I believe that a person can be affected by the social behaviour of another. It always used to happen that whenever I was in a mood, my whole family would become somewhat gloomy. It is all to do with the atmospheric communication which is precisely what social behaviour is about. This was an example where the outcome was negative but as it says in the article, the idea of social behaviour can be used to good effect like leadership.

As we look further into interpersonal communication, I hope to understand what it truly means to be a successful leader and try to acquire the social skills needed in order to cooperate effectively in society.